Today is Valentine's Day and what better time to start loving myself. I was recently inspired by someone who I have only briefly met in person. She married one of my favorite buddies from College and is a truly awesome momma and so completely badass. Last year she started a blog about her journey to awesomeness and I am going to do my best to do something as great as she did.
In 2008 I knew I had to do something. I was overweight, after two babies in two years and was struggling to find some peace with the way I looked physically. I started the Weightwatchers plan on my own. Counting points and eating well under what I was allotted. I shed about 60 lbs just in time to join the Army in January of 2009. I lost about another 40 lbs in the next 4 months. Over the course of the next 4 years I slowly gained most of that weight back. Lots of factors played a part in that. I went from a very active job to one where I was on call and yet very sedentary at the same time. My physical training time was interrupted many days because of more "mission essential" projects. I was still able to pass my body fat tests and a PT test so I thought I didn't have to worry about it. Then I switched units and my whole world came crashing down. I was labeled "fat" by my Company commander because I did not look like a Barbie in my uniform. I am 5'5" and as my dad always used to say, "built like a brick shit-house". This does not make for the most aesthetically pleasing picture when you stuff that in a shapeless green sack of a uniform. That commander made it his personal job to make sure I was put in the worst working environment and punished me with some of the crappiest details he could. I fought this by eating my feelings and gaining more weight. I was running one day and when I stopped, I had a giant purple bruise on both hips. I was told my medic to keep going, nothing was wrong with me. A week later I took a nasty spill and tore up my knee. That was the day I decided I couldn't take the mental torture along with the physical anymore. I counted down the days until the end of my contract. Every day gaining more weight. I now weighed more than I ever had and nothing fit. I was in anger management counseling and it didn't get better until I signed out on terminal leave from the Army on May 28th 2012.
Even after I had lost 100 lbs I NEVER felt thin. I looked at my stretched stomach from 2 kids in 2 years, and all the weight fluctuation. I looked at pictures and I always had short big (muscular) legs. I dreamed of long, lean ones that looked great in shorts and heels. It didn't help me that my boobs shrank three cup sizes at that time as well. Yes, I had been breastfeeding, yes I lost lots of weight... but why did I have to lose the one thing that made me feel sexy? Don't get me wrong, my husband has NEVER made me feel anything but sexy. He has loved me at every stage of our lives together.
Today I am going to stop making excuses and I am going to make me the best version of myself. I need to take time for me and I think everyone will benefit from it. I am going to take a page from Sarah's book and post some pics that will show my journey.
