Lenten Challenge

Yesterday was the beginning of what is usually one of my favorite months! I love March. St. Patty's Day, spring beginning to show signs, spring break, etc. Instead I spent an hour shoveling our driveway, because we had 6 inches of snow dumped on us! yay!

Since Lent begins on Wednesday I decided to start my Lenten Sacrifice a little early. Its not like anyone around here can make a decent Paczki anyway. I am giving up red meat, cheese, any processed food (this does not include homemade bread, as long as it is unbleached, whole wheat), sugar and sugar substitutes. This means no more mid after noon runs to the vending machine for peanut-butter m & m's, no more pop, no granola bars, desserts. I am limited to fruit, veggies, chicken/fish, rice, and quinoa. It is going to be very interesting to see how this next 7 weeks go. I thought I would include a few picures of my weight fluctuation over the years. Don't laugh.

October 2007. Thor (my son) was 1 and I was 3 weeks away from giving birth to our daughter B.E.A.N. I weighed in at the hospital at a whopping 285 lbs.

March 2008. 4.5 Months after the birth of our daughter. Pretty sure I weighed about 220 lbs. here.

April 2009. I was probably about 165 lbs here. It took 3 months of Army Basic Training and running 8-10 miles a day to maintain this. I know I have distorted body image issues now. Because, when I looked like this I never once felt thin, or sexy. All I saw was that my boobs shrank, and I has loose saggy skin on my tummy, along with hideous stretch marks.

June 2010. My 30th Birthday! I was about 180 lbs here. I felt fat, and uncomfortable all night.

December 2011 - I was holding fast at 180 lbs, and could barely get my uniform buttoned for this night. I was still passing my body fat tests so I wasn't too concerned. But I didn't feel good about the way I looked or how my clothes fit.

July 2012. Post Army, I gained about 25-30 lbs. I was tipping the scales over the big deuce again and trying to figure out my life in the civilian world, being a full time mom again.

December 2012 - I loathe this picture. I thought I looked ok, until I saw this. I know a lot of money was spent on this photographer, but I refuse to have any of these photos in my house. I decided to start loosing weight for my best friend's wedding that would be in September.

September 2013. I had joined weight watcher for the summer and lost about 20 lbs. I was still weighing in at around 190 lbs. but I felt a little better. Then the winter from hell hit. I gained more weight this winter than should be legal. I am determined to shed the unwanted pounds and become the fit, amazing looking me that I was in 2009.

Today is the first day....

Today is Valentine's Day and what better time to start loving myself. I was recently inspired by someone who I have only briefly met in person. She married one of my favorite buddies from College and is a truly awesome momma  and so completely badass. Last year she started a blog about her journey to awesomeness and I am going to do my best to do something as great as she did.

In 2008 I knew I had to do something. I was overweight, after two babies in two years and was struggling to find some peace with the way I looked physically. I started the Weightwatchers plan on my own. Counting points and eating well under what I was allotted. I shed about 60 lbs just in time to join the Army in January of 2009. I lost about another 40 lbs in the next 4 months. Over the course of the next 4 years I slowly gained most of that weight back. Lots of factors played a part in that. I went from a very active job to one where I was on call and yet very sedentary at the same time. My physical training time was interrupted many days because of more "mission essential" projects. I was still able to pass my body fat tests and a PT test so I thought I didn't have to worry about it. Then I switched units and my whole world came crashing down. I was labeled "fat" by my Company commander because I did not look like a Barbie in my uniform. I am 5'5" and as my dad always used to say, "built like a brick shit-house". This does not make for the most aesthetically pleasing picture when you stuff that in a shapeless green sack of a uniform. That commander made it his personal job to make sure I was put in the worst working environment and punished me with some of the crappiest details he could. I fought this by eating my feelings and gaining more weight. I was running one day and when I stopped, I had a giant purple bruise on both hips. I was told my medic to keep going, nothing was wrong with me. A week later I took a nasty spill and tore up my knee. That was the day I decided I couldn't take the mental torture along with the physical anymore. I counted down the days until the end of my contract. Every day gaining more weight. I now weighed more than I ever had and nothing fit. I was in anger management counseling and it didn't get better until I signed out on terminal leave from the Army on May 28th 2012.

Even after I had lost 100 lbs I NEVER felt thin. I looked at my stretched stomach from 2 kids in 2 years, and all the weight fluctuation. I looked at pictures and I always had short big (muscular) legs. I dreamed of long, lean ones that looked great in shorts and heels. It didn't help me that my boobs shrank three cup sizes at that time as well. Yes, I had been breastfeeding, yes I lost lots of weight... but why did I have to lose the one thing that made me feel sexy? Don't get me wrong, my husband has NEVER made me feel anything but sexy. He has loved me at every stage of our lives together.

Today I am going to stop making excuses and I am going to make me the best version of myself. I need to take time for me and I think everyone will benefit from it. I am going to take a page from Sarah's book and post some pics that will show my journey.